Setting The Stage During Pregnancy (Or Before!) For A Great Birth/Postpartum
In our culture there are lots of ways women prepare to give birth. But I’ve found that most of what women focus on is the intellectual preparation.
Of course, as humans, we are more than just our brains and more than just our bodies. We have emotions and spiritual concerns as well! That is my belief, at least.
So how do we prepare in all of the ways (intellectually, emotionally, spiritually, physically) for our birth and postpartum experiences, which will undoubtedly affect us on all levels?
That looks different for everyone, but I do have some suggestions based on my personal experience and my training as a midwife AND my experience working with women in all sorts of scenarios related to birth and postpartum.
I do want to really lay out a big idea though, in the beginning, that many women don’t think about until after their birth or postpartum when they’re piecing things together for themselves.
And that is the idea that there is no way to prepare 100% for what birth or postpartum will look and feel like.
There will always be something, some point or piece of info, that you wish someone would have told you ahead of time.. A piece that is missing from your preparation.
How does that feel?
Can you be OK with the idea that you’ll never be able to fully prepare for this?
With that in mind, let’s jump into some suggestions on how to prepare with the knowledge that this isn’t a full picture and there will be some parts that are missing!
Intellectual Preparation
This category consists of all the ways we search outside of ourselves for knowledge and tools and support to assist us on our birth and postpartum journeys.
Information, books, videos, podcasts, childbirth education classes, etc..
We as a culture are super good at this category already, so I won’t go into too much more detail than that!
Emotional Preparation
This is a fun category and I think a lot of midwives will agree that we try to encourage women to do this work during pregnancy because it can make such a massive difference in a woman’s birth experience!
When we give birth, we are so open and vulnerable and a lot of old emotional stuff that we don’t even realize we are carrying can come bubbling up to the surface and can make the process of birth longer, more challenging, or even show up as physical symptoms (like bleeding too much) if our conscious minds are not cognizant of the emotional undertones.
So what are some starting points to consider if we want to do some emotional preparations before birth??
Processing Your Own Birth Experience
This can be so enlightening, and really proves the point that the body remembers, even if the mind does not. What was it like when YOU were born? What was your mother feeling or thinking? What physical things happened during your birth? How was your mother’s breastfeeding experience?
You can go back even further, too, to when your mom was pregnant with you, or even back further to when you were conceived! What was that like? What emotions were in your mother’s body as these things occurred? What was her partner’s reaction when she told him?
And if you’re REALLY in the mood to go on a deep dive, ask your mom or her mom about these same questions, just for when your grandma was pregnant with your mom! Because when your mom was in your grandma’s uterus, YOU were inside your mom’s ovaries as an EGG.
So cool to think about the cellular memory in this way, right?
Of course, if you’ve given birth yourself previously, you can ask yourself these questions about your previous conception, pregnancy, and birth/postpartum experiences too :)
Releasing Fears
This is another big topic because fears come up often during birth in my experience witnessing women give birth.
Will I be a good mother?
Will I be like my mother?
Will my partner still love me?
Will I tear?
Will I be able to actually do this?
And a ton more that are personal to each unique individual.
Taking the time to sit and let yourself feel these fears during your pregnancy will allow you to examine them and ascertain whether they are serving you or not. Are they your fears to carry forward? Can you go deeper into them and explore them in a way that will make them less impactful for you? Do you need to DO anything differently in order to let this fear go?
Feel it all and write it all down!
In my practice, we have a fear clearing ceremony where women can write their fears down on a piece of paper or on a bay leaf (if they’re feeling really witchy!) and then burn them with a candle flame.
You can do this too! Thank the fear for serving you and teaching you something about yourself, then release it! What a cathartic feeling :) And make sure to welcome in some new beliefs and visions that are positive after you’ve released your fears.
Exploring Your Own Relationship With Your Mother & Your Feelings About Your Ability To Mother Your Child
I have a whole worksheet on this topic, so I won’t go into too much detail here on the blog post.. But I highly recommend you download the worksheet and go through it yourself, and ask your partner to do it too!
Practice Letting Go Of The Banks Of The River, Adaptability, Gratitude, & Presence
These are emotional skills you can work on during your pregnancy that will carry you very far in your birth, postpartum, and mothering journeys.
What does it feel like to release control and step into flow?
How quickly can you adapt to a new situation and take ownership of it, without blaming anyone else or feeling like a victim in some way?
How thankful can you be each day? For all that you are experiencing? Can you find the lessons in each moment? I find it helpful to say “I get to do ____” instead of “Oh man, I have to do _____” ..
And can you release thoughts and fears about the future or the past, and just exist here and now in this moment, fully present with yourself, or your partner, or your baby? Without the distraction of a screen, a substance, or whatever else takes your mind off things?
Working through all of this during pregnancy can really set the stage for you to have a super awesome and aligned birth, postpartum, and mothering experience!
Finally, Stepping Into Worthiness
Emotionally, a lot of women don’t feel like they’re worth happiness, a life of ease and pleasure, or that they don’t deserve to have what they really want deep inside. This is cultural and familial programming and it doesn’t serve anyone! Not you, not your baby, not your community, not your relationship with your partner or anyone else.
Can you shed the emotional patterning of all of that, and truly step into the realization of your own unconditional worth??
Can you step into the rightness of the idea that you DO deserve to have an amazing pregnancy/birth/postpartum experience?
Do you know that you are worthy of living a life of ease, alignment, and positivity?
Wow, imagine how the world would change if we all knew this about ourselves! Imagine how differently we could raise our children if we felt this about ourselves!
I think it’s time.
Spiritual Preparation
This, like anything else, looks different for everybody! But, the string that ties all spiritual practices together is that they all give meaning to life and they all have to power to uplift.
So, what uplifts YOUR spirit?
Here are some ideas to sit with, but check in with yourself and see what feels right for you!
Develop Your Own Sacred Practice
You can do this during pregnancy (or before!) and it will help in so many ways throughout the rest of your life.
This is not meant to put pressure on new moms to have some sort of daily practice amidst all of the craziness of parenting. I am the first to say that when I am a new parent, I often don’t want to do anything with my free time besides zone out in front of a movie, turn my brain off, and check out. That is how so many of us cope!
So no pressure, BUT having something in your pocket that you know brings you back down to earth and gives your spirit some enlightenment and a little bit of a refresher is so nice.
This looks different for everybody!
It can be as simple as lighting a candle, saying a short prayer, sitting in meditation, journaling, making a ceremony out of making a cup of tea or hot cocoa, going out to sit in nature for a bit with your phone left at home, pulling a card from an oracle or tarot deck each day, shamanic journeying, singing, playing an instrument, connecting with your ancestors, having a dance party, the list goes on!
Incorporating your baby into this practice during pregnancy is an awesome way to bond and connect with your baby as well. Talking to them, including them in your prayer, explaining what you’re doing and why, all of these can help you connect on a much deeper level with your baby and also helps the baby release their own oxytocin when they’re feeling involved, loved, and connected.
This all helps immensely during birth, when you can have that relationship already established and are able to check in with your baby throughout the process, whether that’s to ask if they’re OK or to talk them through whatever process is happening in the moment.
The same can be said for your partner. I’m totally a fan of having a solo practice that is unique to YOU as an individual, but having a small weekly practice or check in with your partner can create such a strong bond, too! Maybe a moment to light a candle or pull a card together then chat about how you’re feeling.
These little moments all add up and can help set the stage for a deeper connection and more fulfillment during birth and parenting.
Connect To The Goddess or Ancestral Energy
Even if you don’t believe in a goddess, you should know that YOU are one :) And also, instead of connecting to that energy, you can connect with your ancestors.
There are unlimited generations of women who have come before you and done just this exact thing that you are about to do! They all gave birth, survived, transitioned into mothers, and thrived in raising the future generations. Future generations that turned, eventually, into YOU.
How powerful is that?!
Connecting with the idea and energy of these women, who prayed for you and did the best they could when they were alive, so that YOU can be here today, can help carry you through some of the most challenging parts of pregnancy, birth, postpartum, and motherhood.
And if you feel the goddess energy that connects all women (in my opinion), feel free to connect to that as well! We are all incarnations, small parts, of the same universal goddess energy. Connecting with that idea and really embodying that part of yourself and growing it within yourself with help you feel power and strength during the hard stuff.
Process Ancestral Trauma
Wow, this is a big topic and this blog post is already getting so long!
But just imagine a long line of women in your family, all carrying forth the same trauma, generation after generation after generation.
Maybe you’ve had sexual abuse in your family, or physical abuse, or obstetrical abuse, or addiction or feelings of unworthiness in all the women in your family.
Deciding if that is yours to carry forward and processing the trauma of it all, releasing it, and stepping forward on a new path for you and your growing family, can help in so many seen and unseen ways.
When we process our ancestral trauma, we see shifts in all areas of our lives! Including birth stories and postpartum and mothering journeys.
If you’re not exactly sure what I’m talking about, do some research and find someone, a spiritual guide or trusted elder, who can help point you in the right direction and guide you to the answers that already lie within yourself.
This is tough tough work to take on during pregnancy, but trust me when I say that it helps SO much along this journey.
Physical Preparation
This is a whole huge topic that I will definitely write about in its own blog post!
(It actually ended up being two separate posts! Click the link above for part 1, and this link for part 2.)
But for now, here are some categories to consider when preparing for birth in the physical sense. What thoughts and feelings do these bring up for you? Where do you think you could spend some extra time in this area?
Nutrition
Activity/Movement/Exercise
Sleep & Relaxation
Increasing Oxytocin
Pelvic Floor Health/Awareness
In Closing
Going through childbirth is part of the female experience. It’s part of a woman’s life, her inner experience, her personal/spiritual/psychological/physical journey and development.
Sometimes we fear that! Because it’s “the unknown.” We don’t know how exactly we will change after giving birth. Or we don’t want to change at all! But the change is definitely inevitable, and starting on that path of change, growth, and development during pregnancy (or before) can help the process and can help ensure that it looks and feels more aligned for YOU!
Also, if we put in the work now, we will grow and change in such positive ways that it will trickle through us, our families, and our communities. We can change the world in this way! By doing the work!
What are the cultural implications of women in deep connection to the process and the growth they will experience after a powerful and autonomous birth experience?
I like to use this analogy in my childbirth education classes:
If there was some end-of-the-world situation happening, like a true dystopian future where the world was falling apart and the only thing you wanted and needed was to bring your family to you in your safe place… and you knew you had to make an insane journey somewhere to bring your family back to a safe place with you, you’d be terrified!
But you would do it if you had to.
You would face all of the terrors and challenges and pain and fears, and you would go bring your family to safety.
It’s the same with birth.
We have this unknown upcoming experience that could potentially be very painful or challenging in ways we have never experienced before, but we do it because we need to, because we can do hard things, and because we know that on the other side, we will have grown as a person in ways we can’t really comprehend at this point.
One of the most exciting and uplifting (to me) parts of witnessing women give birth in an empowered and truly supported way (usually after doing much of the work I’ve outlined above!) is right afterward when they say, “Oh my god, we did it! I did it!” and they look at us who were there witnessing them with a new look in their eyes, like they’ve just been initiated into this secret society, and like they can do literally anything..
They did it and they have witnesses!!!
So powerful.
THAT is the energy that women in our society and our world need, in order to parent and care for their families and do what needs to be done in their lives to achieve their dreams.
That is why women are scared of birth.
That is why society has made women fear the pain and the whole experience, instead of doing this work that I’ve outlined above in order to make the experience easier for them, to grow in the process, and come out on the other side feeling like a total badass.
Because can you imagine a whole country where women were in their power?
Can you imagine what the world would look like if all women took this rite of passage and felt it all and came out on the other side with a new sense of being, a new sense of righteousness and power? Instead of feeling broken, confused, sad, depressed, anxious, etc..
Wow.
You don’t HAVE to do that.. You don’t have to go there.
But why would you want to skip that?
YOU are the only one who can do this work that I’ve very briefly outlined above (I say very briefly because words don’t really do it justice and it is a JOURNEY that will take you to all the deep and dark places within yourself so you can shine light there and grow)..
And you will be the only one who can step through the door, the portal, into that space where your baby will be able to come through your body and into this physical reality.
Believe it or not, it is not our destiny as human beings to struggle, to believe we are broken, to constantly feel untethered.
Birth and postpartum and new motherhood don’t have to feel like that!!
We have the ability to live a life of ease, connection, alignment, and abundance. That is within all of us.
And it can start right now, during this pregnancy, birth, and postpartum!
All you have to do is be curious, open, and willing to do the work in order to get there.
If You’re Ready To Start:
Envision your ideal pregnancy which will lead to your ideal birth.
What does it feel like, look like, what does it smell like, what color is it?
What work needs to be done and what is your schedule/routine/rituals for doing that work?
Explore the “why.”
Journal about it in great detail, then come up with a short and sweet, easy to digest plan or outline that you can put up in your home.
Share your plan, your thoughts, your dreams with your partner and all the support people you’ve gathered to help you during your pregnancy, birth, and postpartum. Make sure they’re all on board and they see and feel the importance of this journey for you.
I’m sending you all the love as you embark and navigate!
And I hope you send me an email with your story when you’ve come out on the other side! :)
